July 17

Diary Entry

by Sri Chinmoy
while in residence at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram in Pondicherry, India

17 July

I said to Nolini-da: "It is very strange that the birth dates of Nicholas, Saint John of the Cross, Danton and Hilton are not available in any book."

"Did you consult a good Webster's?"

"Yes, I did. Let me go to the library and make further investigations."

In an hour I came back and said: "Except for Hilton, I found the birth dates of all."

"I am sure you will find his, too," he said.

Published in A Service-Flame and a Service-Sun

Everest-Aspiration Talks

by Sri Chinmoy

Charity

7:35 a.m.
Jamaica High School Track,
Jamaica, New York

Charity I do not like. I like concern, true concern. When someone shows me charity, I feel a sense of inferiority, and when I offer charity to someone, I undoubtedly feel a sense of superiority. I want neither a superior feeling nor an inferior feeling: what I want is an equal feeling.

The Christian world believes that charity means an open door to Heaven, but it is totally mistaken, utterly mistaken, hopelessly mistaken. Charity does not mark or determine a sense of true concern and true love, and when true concern and true love are wanting, the door of Heaven can never be open. It will always remain closed. It is not charity, but the feeling of oneness, that opens the door of Heaven. If there is no feeling of oneness, then no matter how much money-power, material wealth or anything I offer to someone, it is bound to take me to the ignorance-world where the dance of superiority and inferiority is going on.

When a part of my existence needs to receive or achieve something and another part comes to its rescue, their sense of oneness immediately opens the door of Heaven for me. If there is something beautiful, and if my mind immediately helps my eye to appreciate its beauty, then there is a oneness-feeling. If my mind wants to study something, and my legs carry me to the school or the library, then there is a oneness-feeling.

Charity cannot give me satisfaction. Charity cannot open the door of Heaven to me. It is only the feeling of oneness that can give me satisfaction, and this feeling of oneness has to be enlarged. When I give someone material wealth, money-power or something else, I have to feel that it is my very necessity to increase my own oneness-feeling for the length and breadth of the world. I have to feel that it is not I who am helping someone. It is I, on the contrary, who am being helped. This charity is not charity; far from it. It is my self-giving in order to realise my higher self totally, integrally, here in the world.

My oneness-offering not only opens the door of Heaven to me, but also opens the doors of Infinity, Eternity and Immortality, for oneness is God’s first Vision-Song and His ultimate, ever-transcending Vision-Reality-Dance. If I want to sing God’s Vision-Song, then my larger part and my smaller part have to be God’s Reality-Dance in this endlessly ever-transcending Reality.

Published in Everest-Aspiration, part 2

Examination

8:40 a.m.
Jamaica High School Track,
Jamaica, New York

“My Beloved Lord Supreme, do tell me only one thing to satisfy my curiosity. Do You try to examine me? You say that You do not try to examine me, but it seems to me that at times You do try to examine me. Am I correct in my feeling?”

“My child, to be very frank with you, I do not examine you. Examination is not a way of teaching anybody. Examination only creates fear, undue fear, in the student, no matter how brilliant the student is. The student fears that he will fail and be embarrassed, and then the world will look down upon him. What you call examination, I call illumination-game. I do not examine you to pass you or fail you. I just want to play the illumination-game with you so that you do not underestimate your capacity or overestimate your capacity. When you underestimate your capacity, unconsciously you cherish false modesty, and when you overestimate your capacity, you make friends with an exorbitant depression-ignorance. To underestimate one’s capacity and to overestimate one’s capacity are equally bad.

“In your life of aspiration and dedication, when you play the game of illumination, you have to feel the necessity of bringing your inner cry to the fore, and also your ignorance-lethargy to the fore. You have to surrender not only the divine part of your existence but also the undivine part.

“So My examination is not an examination in the true sense of the term. It is an offering for your self-perfection. In your present state of consciousness, ignorance and light, falsehood and truth your mind has cleverly accumulated in your body-consciousness and vital consciousness. I wish you to offer to Me all that you have and all that you are. It is integral self-offering which you must make. You will get illumination from Me through the process of purification and self-offering of all that you have. What you have to offer is your beauty-heart. It is the beauty of your own existence within and without, that you offer. The lesser beauty, which you call ignorance, and the higher beauty you have to offer to Me, and in return I will offer you self-illumination.

“This is the game I play with you. It is our illumination-game and never, never, never an examination — far from it! It is a joint illumination.”

Gifts

3:00 p.m.
In transit from Jamaica, New York
to Washington, D.C.

“My Beloved Supreme, I have some gifts for You. My first gift is my soulful cry. My second gift is my fruitful smile. My third and special gift is my oneness-heart. My fourth and extra-special gift is my gratitude-flame.”

“My child, I am all gratitude to you, and I have also a gift for you. This is My gift: I need you infinitely more than you can ever imagine. With you I started My Vision’s journey; with you I shall reach My Reality’s Satisfaction-Goal.”

Who is the Winner?

3:05 p.m.
In transit from Jamaica, New York
to Washington, D.C.

Who is the winner? Not he who wins, but he who has established his cheerful oneness with the result, which is an experience in the form of failure or success, a journey forward or a journey backward.

Who is the winner? Not he who wins the race, but he who loves to run sleeplessly and breathlessly with God the supreme Runner.

Who is the winner? Not he whose glory we sing, but he who embodies God’s Compassion-Light in abundant measure.

Who is the winner? Not he who has acquired tremendous name and fame and amassed a big fortune, but he who requires only one thing: God-satisfaction in God’s own Way.

Two Trains

3:10 p.m.
In transit from Jamaica, New York
to Washington, D.C.

Two trains: the train of desire and the train of aspiration. The desire-train starts at the nothingness-hunger-station and stops at the frustration-starvation-station. The aspiration-train starts at the soulfulness-thirst-station and stops at the illumination-feast-station.

If you are a passenger on the desire-train, you may not actually know what is good for you and what is bad for you. You will enter into the desire-train only to suffer. If you are a passenger on the aspiration-train, you do not have to know what is good and what is bad for you, for God Himself chooses for you. Therefore, once you enter into the aspiration-train, you will only prosper and prosper both in the inner world and in the outer world. The inner prosperity is your heart’s breathless cry. The outer prosperity is your life’s sleepless smile.

Who is Knocking?

3:15 p.m.
In transit from Jamaica, New York
to Washington, D.C.

Who is knocking? Satan? Do not bother me. Today I have many important things to do.

Who is knocking? Man? Please come at some other time. Unfortunately, I am quite busy now.

Who is knocking? God? Why do You embarrass me, Lord? Do You need my permission to enter into my heart-room?

“My son, perhaps you are not fully ready to receive Me. I am knocking just to inform you that I shall come again to visit your gratitude-room, your surrender-shrine and your perfection-self-offering. My son, you take your own time. I am not at all in a hurry. But I shall definitely come to pay you My blessingful Visit.”

Disobedience and Penalty

3:20 p.m.
In transit from Jamaica, New York
to Washington, D.C.

Disobedience and penalty: are they inseparable friends? Yes, they are. Our mother Eve disobeyed, and our father Adam disobeyed. They disobeyed once, only once, but they were forced to pay a severe penalty, and they did pay the penalty. Alas, what is worse, we who are their descendants are still paying the penalty, paying for their disobedience. Is it fair? Perhaps it is; perhaps it is not. In humanity’s eye the penalty was, is and remains unbearable. In Divinity’s Eye this penalty is more than negligible in comparison to the fathomless Love, Joy, Concern and Blessings that our parents, Eve and Adam, received from God before they descended, nay, before they helplessly and hopelessly fell from the Garden of Eden.

Our old family’s old friend was sin; but at long last we have mustered courage, inner and outer, to have two new friends: a self-giving cry and a God-becoming smile.

Secrets

3:25 p.m.
In transit from Jamaica, New York
to Washington, D.C.

God’s secret is a beginningless Silence. Man’s secret is an endless sound.

God’s secret is to give what He has: Compassion. Man’s secret is to possess from others what he does not have: material wealth, power and other things.

God’s secret is to create and divinely enjoy a new Vision-Light. Man’s secret is to destroy everything that he sees, to destroy everyone that he knows.

God’s secret is to forgive and forget constantly. Man’s secret is never to forgive, never to forget.

God’s secret is to cry soulfully before He smiles satisfactorily. Man’s secret is to cry before he dies and cry while he is dying so that he can reach God’s Heaven and be greeted by God Himself. At this, God does not know whether to smile or cry. Therefore, He laughs.

Something is Missing

9:10 p.m.
American University,
Washington, D.C.

Something is missing. What is it? Man’s gratitude-drop. Something is found. What is it? Man’s haughty pride. Who needs it? Nobody! No, not even the all-devouring death.

Something is missing. What is it? Man’s service-hands. Something is found. What is it? Man’s feeling of worthlessness. Who needs it? Nobody! No, not even the worst possible fool on earth.

Something is missing. What is it? Man’s responsibility-tree. Something is found. What is it? Man’s satisfaction-compromise. Who needs it? Nobody! No, not even the saint who is all forgiveness. The saint is willing to forgive ignorance, but he will never make any compromise with ignorance-illusion.

Published in Everest-Aspiration, part 3

My Peace-Life

A lecture by Sri Chinmoy
at Stockholm University in Stockholm, Sweden

Peace is an inner subject, but it is a subject that can be studied. As one studies history, geography and science, so also one can study peace. Since I am a seeker, I study peace at my heart-school every day. My teacher is my Lord Beloved Supreme. My Inner Pilot tells me to unlearn many, many things from my mind — such as fear, doubt, insecurity, jealousy and impurity — so that I can make fast progress in this subject.

From my prayer-life and meditation-life I have learnt the importance of belief. There are many things that I do not see, and I cannot prove their existence to the world at large; but I do know that they exist somewhere. Similarly, I may not feel peace in my day-to-day life, but I believe that it exists in the inmost recesses of my heart, and this believing will eventually turn into seeing and feeling. Although the sky may be overcast with clouds, there shall come a time when the sun will be visible. Right now ignorance-night has covered my mental vision, but eventually my inner sun will come to the fore and inundate my mind of doubt with light and delight.

I am a seeker. That means I pray and meditate, and I practise my peace-life. I consciously try to live a life of self-giving, for I know that this is the only way to get peace of mind. If I can walk soulfully, devotedly and unconditionally along the path of self-giving, then I will be a perfect stranger to frustration and self-contradiction. Right now my life is all self-contradiction. This moment my inner being is flooded with faith; the next moment teeming doubts are covering my entire mind. Always I hear the song of self-contradiction. But if I can offer my life to the Supreme in others consciously, devotedly and unconditionally, and become the very breath of self-giving, then I will have no frustration or self-contradiction.

As a seeker I know that I become a victim to helplessness from time to time. But I also know that there is a way to conquer and illumine this helplessness — by turning to a higher force. When I feel helpless, it is because I know that my capacity is extremely limited. But I can get the guidance and assurance I need from a higher force by virtue of my prayer-life, my meditation-life, my aspiration-life and my dedication-life.

Although I aspire for peace of mind, very often I surrender to ignorance-night. Then I become very clever and invoke my Lord Supreme to inundate my mind with peace while I, on my part, do nothing. But my Lord Supreme, out of His infinite Bounty, tells me, “No, My child, let us play together. I am ready to give you Peace in infinite measure, but you have to receive what I give soulfully. I shall play My part generously and you have to play your role devotedly by being soulfully receptive. I shall give you what I have and what I am, and you will receive it with your heart’s inseparable oneness, light and delight.”

I need peace within; I need peace without. Although I have created my own outer world, I am afraid of it. Because I am afraid of it, I have no peace of mind. But since I am the owner of my outer world, I must not be frightened while dealing with it. I must be fully in charge of my creation, my outer world.

My inner world also has a Creator. My Lord Beloved Supreme is the Creator of my inner world. Out of His infinite Bounty, He has created me. That means He loves me; He loves me far, far beyond my imagination’s flight. Therefore, I must not be afraid of my Creator. It is absurd! What He needs from me is not fear but unconditional love. My love for Him and His Love for me will make me feel that He and I are inseparable, and that we have been singing the song of inseparable oneness from time immemorial.

Published in The Oneness of the Eastern Heart and the Western Mind, part 1

Who Can Grant Me Peace?

A lecture by Sri Chinmoy
at Uppsala University in Uppsala, Sweden

I am soulfully offering my performance today to Dag Hammarskjöld. This most brilliant mind and most illumined soul is the pride not only of Uppsala but of the entire world. His heart’s magnanimity and his life’s luminosity remain forever synonymous with the loftiest heights and the deepest depths of the United Nations. To Dag Hammarskjöld the immortal soul and to Dag Hammarskjöld the dedicated life, my life of aspiration and dedication bows in soulful humility.

I want peace and need peace desperately. But how can I get peace? Where can I get peace? Who can grant me peace?

My Lord Beloved Supreme alone can grant me peace. But before He grants me peace, He wants something from me. What is that thing? My oneness-love. If I can offer Him my soulful and sleepless oneness-love, then He will, without fail, grant me peace in infinite measure in my inner life.

I know that God is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. But these attributes quite often frighten the human in me. So I will not think of Him in these terms at the present stage of my spiritual development. I will only think of Him as the Supreme Dreamer, from whose Dream this reality came into being. If I can think of Him in this way during my prayer and meditation, then I will always feel His Sweetness, Beauty and Divinity. When I think of God as the Supreme Dreamer, and meditate on God as the Supreme Dreamer, He will grant me peace in boundless measure.

My outer life also needs peace. This peace I will get only when I can offer freedom to mankind. When I do not try to bind any human being, I get peace in the outer world. Also, I must try to think of myself in exactly the same way that God thinks of me. He thinks of me as a choice instrument of His who has come into the world to love Him, to serve Him and to manifest Him in His own Way. So in order to get peace from Him in the inmost recesses of my heart, I must gradually become an exact prototype of Him.

In my outer life, if I want to have peace, then I must think of myself the way other human beings think of me. Others think of me as someone striving for perfection but still far, very far from my goal. If I think of myself as an imperfect human being longing for perfection, then I perfectly fit in with all human beings. At that time there is no feeling of supremacy, no feeling of superiority or inferiority, no feeling of separation. I am one with them and I am one of them. Together we are going along Eternity’s Road with our teeming imperfections, but always aiming at perfect Perfection. If I can think of myself in this way in my outer life, then I can have peace of mind.

Again, I have to think of others the way they think of themselves. Each human being sees himself as a satisfaction-seeker. Either consciously or unconsciously, he is longing for satisfaction. If I can think of each individual on earth as a satisfaction-seeker, I will see that we are all sailing in the same boat, longing to reach the Golden Shore that promises complete, ultimate satisfaction. This also will bring me peace of mind in my outer life.

There is one more thing I can do to get peace in my day-to-day life. Early in the morning, before I pray and meditate, every day I must enter into my mind-jungle and discard one desire-thorn. My mind is filled with desire-thorns, but every day I shall try to diminish their number. Then I shall enter into my heart-garden and plant there another aspiration-plant. By decreasing my desire-thorns and increasing my aspiration-plants, I am bound to receive peace from within. And if I pray soulfully and meditate devotedly and unconditionally, I am bound to receive peace from Above.

Published in The Oneness of the Eastern Heart and the Western Mind, part 1

Stories by Sri Chinmoy

told at  Aspiration-Ground, Jamaica, New York

When I first realised God

A few weeks ago I was tempted to tell when I first realised God. Again, God-realisation is a very complicated matter. We can sit at the foot of the God-realisation-tree, and then we can climb up. When we sit at the foot of the tree, that itself is God-realisation. And when we climb up a few metres, that is also God-realisation. Then we go on, go on, go on.

When we look at the God-realisation-tree with our third eye, we see that the tree has no end. It goes up and up. With our human eyes if we look at a tree, we see that there is a limit. We know that we can see the topmost branch. Beyond there we cannot go. But when it is a matter of the God-realisation-tree, the third eye laughs at the human eyes.

Three weeks ago, I think it was, I was tempted to say when I first sat at the foot of the God-realisation-tree. Then of course I climbed up, and God knows where I am now. But my Inner Pilot immediately commanded me to keep silent. I know for certain when I saw God face to face for the first time. It was not in this incarnation. But God said, “No! Make this date absolutely uncertain.” I knew for certain, but He said, “No, I want you to keep it absolutely uncertain.” That is why I did not say.

Some spiritual Masters declare their God-realisation, like Sri Aurobindo, who gave the date when Lord Sri Krishna entered into him permanently. Before, Sri Krishna used to come and go, come and go. But from the 24th of November, 1926, Sri Krishna remained permanently inside him. That is the date Sri Aurobindo gave for his God-realisation.

Like that, some other spiritual Masters have declared their God-realisation. In my case if I have to be very honest, I will say that it was not in this incarnation. I realised God long before, long before. But as I said, first you sit at the foot of the tree. Then you climb up, up, up, up, up. According to what you see with your human eyes, you say, “Oh, this is the highest!” But as soon as you use the third eye, you will simply laugh at that so-called highest, because there is no limit to God-realisation.

If you show occult power

Unfortunately, some people show their occult power right in front of the public. When they show occult power, immediately people feel or think that they are God-realised. God-realisation has nothing to do with occult power. When you realise God, if God gives you occult power, that is one thing. But some people say, “If I amass occult power, then I will realise God.” That is absurd; it is impossible.

Swami Vivekananda was so great. When Sri Ramakrishna wanted to give him occult power, he said, “Will it help me in realising God?”

Sri Ramakrishna said, “No, it will not help you. But by showing occult power, you will be able to inspire people and work for humanity.”

Swami Vivekananda said, “I do not want it. First things first: I want to realise God.”

Some spiritual Masters never, never cared for occult power. While they were in the process of realising God or after they realised God, sometimes they compared occult power with cats and dogs. Cats and dogs come and bother us. Like that, occult powers can take away the seeker who is on the verge of God-realisation. Even for one who has realised God, these occult powers can stand as absolutely real obstructions. Those individuals cannot think of God; they can only display their occult power.

Sometimes God-realised souls do not want occult power. But just because they have been showing it, they continue. One of my uncles realised God, and he always used to use occult power in his village. He did millions of things. Finally he cried and cried to Mother Kali, “What am I doing? I am only feeding people’s curiosity.” He did not want to be bothered by people any more. Then deliberately he started saying wrong things. He knew what was true, but he used to make false statements. Then people stopped coming to him.

Some spiritual Masters are very wise. They use occult power secretly, inwardly, so that nobody can see it. They do not make any outer statement. As a matter of fact, there is not a single spiritual Master of the highest order who does not use occult power inwardly. But outwardly if you show occult powers, then you will be in serious trouble. You will not help anybody; you will only feed people’s curiosity. And tomorrow if you do not show or cannot show occult powers, then you will lose those followers.

Again, some people come to the Master not for a display of occult power. They love their Master so much. They say, “Who cares for occult power? Will it help me?” Never, never has occult power helped anybody to realise God. While one is realising God if occult powers come, then that individual will not misuse them. But some people pray to God only for occult power, not for spiritual power or spiritual wisdom. They pray and pray only to get occult power, and sometimes they do get some occult power, But that occult power has nothing to do with God-realisation. So many spiritual Masters are of the same opinion. Occult power if you use, you can make serious blunders. You can commit absolutely the worst possible blunder. But spiritual power does not do that. Spiritual power is totally different. Spiritual power will always take permission from the Absolute Supreme. Without permission, spiritual power one does not use. When people use occult power, they show off. They do not find the time to ask permission from the Highest, whether they will listen or not. If somebody comes to them with an immediate need, they want to show their compassion or their capacity.

Quite often I say that occult power is a mad elephant. But spiritual power is not like that. There is such a difference between occult power and spiritual power!

Everything is a mystery

Everything is a mystery in life. It may happen that, in order to expedite the inner, spiritual evolution of an individual, the Guru can appear to be very, very unkind on the outer plane. Perhaps the Guru wants renunciation from that person, because this world has played its role in his life. Now it is time for the seeker to go higher. We do not know when that time is going to come. If God wants to expedite an individual’s journey, if He wants to give faster progress to that person, outwardly the Master can seem to be very unkind. The human way is to find fault with the Master. We say, “Why did he not show compassion or consolation?” But we do not know what is happening in the inner world.

Look at Sri Krishna in the story about the widow and the cow. She had only the cow. Arjuna asked Sri Krishna to grant the old lady a boon, and Sri Krishna said the cow should die! Outwardly, how cruel Sri Krishna was! How could he wish for the cow to die? It was only with the cow that the old lady sustained her life. But Sri Krishna knew that she would pray to him much more if she did not have the cow. By pleasing her, by giving her an outer boon, Sri Krishna would not be able to expedite the old widow’s inner progress.

We have no idea at what point the Master will take this kind of action. We cannot understand, because we do not know the future. The so-called outer callousness can be inner compassion. We do not see the future, we do not know the future; but the spiritual Masters do know. They do everything for our good. Unfortunately, in our human life we always want affection and compassion in a human way. But these so-called boons can create real bondage. They may not help us in any way.

The spiritual Masters can definitely appear to be unkind, from the human point of view, on the human level. On the higher level, they are doing the right thing.

Published in My Golden Children