The World’s Highest Experience
Sri Chinmoy asks his disciples what they think is the highest experience the world has to offer. Many try to guess, but no one comes close.
Here is Sri Chinmoy’s answer:
“From my experience, it is uncertainty. In this world my own experience is that nothing is certain, absolutely nothing is certain. This is the highest thing the world has to offer. No matter what the world gives us there is always uncertainty. The world’s achievement is not certain at all. In this world you can get the highest God-realisation, but from this world no matter what you get you are uncertain, absolutely uncertain. From my own experience, uncertainty is the best superlative which this world can offer.
“If you as a human being identify yourself with the world-consciousness, you may think that you are certain of what is going to happen, but the next moment you are absolutely uncertain. Even one second from now you can’t say what is going to happen. Today you are determined that you won’t do this, you won’t say this, but the next moment you do something diametrically opposite. You promise that you will never be jealous of anyone, absolutely never. But what kind of determination do you have? From your repeated experience you should know that it is all uncertain. You promise that you will be a good girl or a good boy, but what does your experience say? Your promise to yourself is uncertain; it does not last. It is good to keep that kind of promise, but inside that promise is just uncertainty.
“Certainty is again a matter of trust, trust in yourself. If you trust yourself, then you know you will do this, say this, become this. You have certainty; you are positive that you will do this, say this, become this. But when you are not certain of your life, then distrust starts. If you can’t trust yourself, if you can’t trust your promise, then you break your promise. Again, once you break your promise, how can you trust yourself? Then once more you have to start from the beginning. It all stems from uncertainty. You have determination, but even inside your determination there is uncertainty. “Now I am talking about what you get from this world, but if you want to get something really valuable in this world, then God-realisation you can get; infinite Peace, Love and Bliss you can get. But you are not getting those things from this world. If you are identified with this world, then you are giving the uncertainty experience not only to yourself, but also to others.
“But again, if you identify with some inner force or with your Master or God, then everything is certain; it is going to happen. It may be delayed, it may be postponed, but definitely it is going to happen. Definitely you are going to be a perfect instrument; it is absolutely true. If you identify with me, then definitely it is a matter of time. It may be tomorrow; it may be in the distant future. But if you don’t identify with me, then it is absolutely uncertain. Identification with me is the only thing that will give you certainty. The moment you lose that identification, the world will bring uncertainty into your body, vital, mind and heart, and even into your soul. The soul itself will suffer from uncertainty. The soul will say, ‘Will it really happen?’
“To be one with me in the mind is always difficult, for the stupid mind is always doubtful; but even the mind will be certain if you identify with me. If the body is lethargic and the vital is aggressive, a dead elephant we can carry and a mad elephant we can control; but if doubt-cancer starts in the mind, it is very dangerous. When doubt-cancer spreads you die. But even doubt-cancer can be conquered if you become one with the Will of the Supreme in me. If you are one with my will, then everything is certain, certain. But the moment you lose your oneness with my will, you are finished; even your soul will suffer from uncertainty. The soul will be totally covered at that time by the body’s will, the vital’s will and the mind’s will. If oneness is missing, then it is all uncertainty. If you identify yourself with the world, then you will always be uncertain; you can’t say that anything is definitely going to happen. Only constant oneness with God’s Will is all absolute certainty.”
Published in Chinmoy Family, May–June 1980
Later reprinted in The Temple and the Shrine
Anecdotes
by Sri Chinmoy at his home in New York
Nobody Came To My Lecture
When I went to Minneapolis for the first time, I spoke about reincarnation. Not even one person came. I was looking at the ceiling and giving my talk. Ida Patterson, our Sukhukee, was standing at the door, hoping and hoping that somebody would come. My lecture was over — nobody, nobody came!
I read in a book that the same thing happened to Brahmananda, Sri Ramakrishna’s disciple. Brahmananda was supposed to give a talk and nobody came. Brahmananda said that was his best speech! There was no controversy. The walls received his message so nicely!
Many New Things About Swami Vivekananda
Many new things I have seen in a particular book. Swami Vivekananda’s brother, Bhupendra, wanted to become a Guru. Swami Vivekananda said no, and his brother said something unkind to him. But afterwards, Bhupendra became so devoted, so devoted.
The author found that Swami Vivekananda was not the oldest in the family. Everywhere it is written that he was the oldest, but before him three or four were born. They all died as infants. In all the books from our childhood we read that Swami Vivekananda was the oldest and he could not feed his young brothers. My play started when he was unable to feed his family. His father had died and they had such financial difficulty. Now we have found out that he was not the first child born in the family.
In some subjects at Calcutta University he was not good at all! He got a mark of forty. According to the Indian standard, thirty-three is a passing mark. According to the American standard he would not have passed his examination. Now the whole world knows that he was a most brilliant student, with a brilliant mind. In hundreds of books it is written. But as far as the university was concerned, he did not get high marks in some subjects.
Sri Aurobindo called Swami Vivekananda the flower of Calcutta University. He wrote about when the flower of Calcutta University sat at the feet of Sri Ramakrishna. Swami Vivekananda became that! Others perhaps got only paper degrees.
The Supramental Light
For more than two weeks, when Sri Aurobindo was in jail, every day Swami Vivekananda used to come and tell Sri Aurobindo about the supermind. At that time Sri Aurobindo had no idea about the supermind. In my book I have written about it. Swami Vivekananda said, “You have to bring down the supermind.” When Sri Aurobindo brought down the supermind, it was most luminous, but it did not last more than two days. His face was absolutely flooded with light — there was no electric light. His whole body was surcharged with the light of the supermind. Alas, it did not last. Then he said it was only for his disciples. No photograph was taken — it was not allowed.
For those two days they kept two bodyguards nearby so that nobody would try to touch Sri Aurobindo. Dilip was so devoted and so emotional, but even he was not allowed to touch Sri Aurobindo at that time.
The Supramental Light went away. Then, a few years later, the Supramental Light again touched the earth. I ran my 400 metres at around four-thirty or five o’clock. After running 400 metres, I literally cried.
That was my most difficult race. For everybody, 400 metres is the most difficult race. I was lying down on a very old mat. All of a sudden I saw the light — somebody showed me. Half an hour later, the Mother said that the light had touched her.
A Roaring Lion
Once, on the 15th of August, Sri Aurobindo’s birthday, we were all marching, group by group. On that day, the band was playing Bande Mataram. Sri Aurobindo liked Bande Mataram. That became the cry of the whole of India.
There were three groups coming together, and each group had a captain. One captain, Pranab, became the director of physical education. He writes to me and sends pictures. He and I were very good friends. The Mother was standing in front of a map of India. She used to take our salute from that place. The time came for our group to salute the Mother. Behind me there were about thirty people in our group. Because of the formation, some groups were facing the Mother, but I could not see the Mother, because other groups were there.
The Mother said that, while the band was playing Bande Mataram, she saw a lion roaring and roaring on the map of India. She said she saw it and she heard it. This was all happening in the inner world.
I told my brother Chitta, “I saw the lion and I heard it roaring. I can even give the position of the lion.”
My brother brought a small picture of a lion, I think from the newspaper, and he brought a map of India, the same one that was at the playground. We had many, many copies of that map. On the map I put the picture of the lion where I had seen it. I put the tail, the mouth, every part of the lion exactly where it had been in the playground.
My brother used to frame little pictures of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, and he would give those framed pictures to the Mother. There were twenty or thirty children at the Ashram. Twice a month or so, the Mother would give the pictures to the children. Now, on this occasion my brother gave quite a few pictures, and he also gave the copy of the map of India where I had placed the lion. In a very casual way he said, “Chinmoy says this is the position of the lion that was roaring. He says that he saw the lion.”
Very, very seriously the Mother concentrated on the position of the lion. Then my brother got a very bright, broad smile from the Mother.
The lion was looking up, toward the Himalayas. I got the exact place very correctly, because it was so clear to me.
My third eye I can keep open, but sometimes I do not open it. Sometimes I do not want to open it because then I may have to solve some problem in the inner world. But sometimes the third eye automatically opens. At that time I was a young fellow in my marching consciousness. I was marching, I stopped and then my third eye opened. I did not have the eagerness to see what was happening at that moment — not at all! Millions of times I do not have the eagerness to know what is happening. I do not want to know, because if I know, I will only have to deal with problems. If for some reason I must open it, I do open it. But as I said a few minutes ago, after running 400 metres, while panting, I just saw that Supramental Light.
It is true, true, true. In my Ashram life, all kinds of things happened.
A Very Devoted Family
One family in the Ashram was very, very devoted to me from the beginning. The whole family was very devoted. As soon as the father first saw me, when I was about fourteen years old, he said, “What is your name?”
I said, “Chinmoy.”
He said, “No! I can see that you are the king of the yogis, Yogiraj!” From that moment he never called me by the name “Chinmoy.”
The whole family called me Chinmoy-da, irrespective of their age! The mother was twenty or thirty years older than me. They were all much older than me, but that was their established way of addressing me. The eldest son was older than me, and he called me Chinmoy-da. They all called me Chinmoy-da, but the father called me Yogiraj.
The whole family was so fond of me. One of the daughters was named Kiran. After the father died, a spiritual Master told Kiran that her father had taken a new incarnation and he was now a little baby. The whole family wanted to see their father, because the spiritual Master had said it. But Kiran’s mother was still mourning her husband, so she did not want to go to see the child.
By that time I had established a very good inner connection with the family. Kiran’s mother was begging me, “Please, please tell me if it is true. I am still suffering from the loss of my husband, so I do not want to see the little boy.” The little boy was by that time three or four years old.
I had a very, very dear friend. Once I saw Sri Ramakrishna in the moon and I was talking to him while this friend was beside me. I was talking, but my friend could not understand anything, although he was even hearing the words! On one occasion I saw that this dearest friend of mine was playing with that little boy. I asked my dearest friend to bring the little boy to me, so he brought the boy. I concentrated very seriously. Then I went to that family’s place. I said to the mother, “I do not think so — it is not true. He is not your husband.”
She said, “What a relief!” She totally gave up thinking about that child and she would not go to see him. And the children also stopped, just because I said it was not true. They believed me.
When this lady died two years ago, at around two o’clock in the morning, her soul wanted me to take full care of her. In the Ashram she was very devoted.
I said, “I cannot do that. Your Guru is the Mother, your Guru is Sri Aurobindo.”
But she said, “No, I am your disciple.”
I said, “For so many years you have been a disciple at the Ashram!”
She said she had taken me as her Guru, and I should take care of her. She and her husband were the Mother and Sri Aurobindo’s disciples, but they had such love for me, such admiration. The first time the husband saw me I was only a young boy. He said, “Your name is not Chinmoy — it is Yogiraj!”
When the father was dying in the hospital, I went there with his son, who was my dearest friend. Three doctors came out of the room, and they were all smoking and smoking. My friend asked, “How is my father?”
One of the doctors said, “Oh, he is doing quite well.”
I entered into the room. As soon as I saw the father, I touched his feet, because he was older than me. Then my friend went in to see him. The doctors came back and examined him. It was a matter of only two minutes or so. They examined him and then they said, “Oh, he is gone.” Just two minutes before they had said, “He is doing well.” Perhaps, in the Indian way, they were trying to console the son.
Something In My Eyes
People saw something in my eyes. What they saw, God alone knows. I was walking along in the street near the Ashram. A gentleman came up from behind me and said, “May I call you Yogibar?” “Yogibar” means the greatest of the yogis.
I did not know who he was! He was over forty-five, and I was perhaps seventeen or eighteen. I said, “No, my name is Chinmoy.”
“I know your name is Chinmoy, but you must allow me to call you Yogibar.” I did not even know his name! He was very nice, a real gentleman. That is how I became Yogibar.
A few months later he brought his wife and little child to the Ashram. They came to my sister’s place. The wife was crying and crying because she did not want to listen to her husband. Her husband was insisting that she become Sri Aurobindo’s disciple, but she said no, because she had already taken Swami Vivekananda as her Guru — not Sri Ramakrishna, but Swami Vivekananda. She never saw Swami Vivekananda on the physical plane. Still the husband was insisting, and she did not want to become Sri Aurobindo’s disciple. Like that the fight was going on. She wanted to remain Swami Vivekananda’s disciple. The husband said, “Oh, Sri Aurobindo is much higher than Swami Vivekananda — he is an Avatar.” He was trying to convince her.
My sisters were wise. They said, “Allow her to remain with Swami Vivekananda. Why to force her if she does not want to become Sri Aurobindo’s disciple?”
It was late in the evening. I said, “All right, tomorrow evening come to my place.” At that time I was staying with my brother in a small place near the sports ground, which was only fifty metres away. I stayed there for eighteen years. The lady and her husband came. The room was very small. I requested them to sit down. We all sat down, the husband, the wife and I. It did not take two minutes. I invoked Swami Vivekananda. Swami Vivekananda is so fond of me, so fond! He comes at any time. Sometimes he scolds me, because I am the younger brother. Affection is like that! I invoked him, and he came.
I was sitting next to the husband, and next to him was his wife. I touched his quadriceps. Then I said, “Now please touch your wife.” As soon as he touched her, a current passed through her. She started screaming with joy, literally screaming, because she was seeing Swami Vivekananda in a most beautiful form. She saw him in the corner of the room. She was crying and crying with such joy, with ecstasy.
Now, I touched the husband, but he did not see Swami Vivekananda. The wife saw Swami Vivekananda. He asked me how it could happen. I said, “You are Sri Aurobindo’s disciple. Why do you have to see Swami Vivekananda?”
He asked, “Then why did you touch me?”
I said, “Only to demonstrate on the physical plane that I was doing something.” After that experience, the husband did not insist that his wife become Sri Aurobindo’s disciple.
These kinds of experiences took place in my life. I tried to be of service to people while I was living in the Ashram, so at that time I became a Guru!
To Watch You, Not To Help You
Swami Vivekananda! Once he came during our Christmas Trip when I was unable to lift a particular weight. I said, “It is all your fault! You could have helped me.” He said, “No, I did not come here to help you — I came here to watch you!”
Lord Shiva also came once. I said, “I am struggling with my bench press. You are watching. Can you not help me?”
He said, “I cannot help you. I came here to see you, to watch you, not to help you.”
Believe it or not, my connection with Swami Vivekananda is closer than the closest. Even at this moment if I invoke him, he will come. That kind of connection I established in the Ashram.
How Could My Sister Have Known?
Nothing can be truer than this incident in my life.
Many years ago I was lifting a very heavy weight. Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda both came, and both of them blessed me. It was Saturday morning in India, and it was Friday night here in New York. Once a week, every Saturday, I called my family. Then, when Mantu was sick, I used to call every day. Finally it became twice daily. This time when I called, my sister Lily answered and said, “You do not have to tell me anything — you do not have to tell me.”
I said, “What do you mean, ‘You do not have to tell me anything’? What has happened?”
In our family we do not call him Sri Ramakrishna — we always call him Thakur. That is our love and devotion for him. We always call Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda Thakur and Swami-ji. My sister said, “Both Thakur and Swami-ji came here to bless me. They told me that a few hours ago they came to bless you.”
How could I deny that they had come to bless me?
Then they went to bless my sister, because, even though our family members are Sri Aurobindo’s disciples, we have such love and devotion, devotion, devotion for Sri Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda. Bengalis are all made of Thakur’s and Swami-ji’s blood. We all carry that devotional aspect, because Sri Ramakrishna’s blood is always inside us. Devotion, devotion! My sister told me that they had come to bless me and then they went to bless her.
This incident I will absolutely never forget. How could my sister have known? It is one hundred per cent true.
Sri Aurobindo Opened My Sister’s Third Eye
Once Sri Aurobindo opened up my sister’s third eye. Here is the story.
I went to Ramana Maharshi’s place. At that time I did not have any problem in disappearing from the Ashram, because I was not working for Nolini. Who would know if I did not go to work one day? There was no problem! I had shaved off my hair completely, and I was wearing a loincloth. Afterwards I was going back on the train, and I did not have any money. The ticket-checker came. I had only a stopwatch. If you did not have money, the ticket-checker very nicely grabbed your possessions.
The ticket-checker came into our compartment. On the Indian trains, you could open the windows completely. Now, in those days I was an athlete, and I climbed through the window! I did not want to give up my stopwatch, which cost perhaps two dollars or five dollars. The train was moving. When I jumped through the window, I landed thirty metres away — not one metre! How did it happen? Do I know how to fly? Thirty metres away I landed, in a paddyfield. It was unimaginable! I was so dirty. I started looking for a pond. But nothing, absolutely nothing happened to me — I just jumped!
I walked a little and then I found a pond. There was a mango tree, and one branch was hanging only a metre or so above me. I started washing and washing myself.
By this time it had become very late, perhaps twelve o’clock or one o’clock. My brother could not find me. My family members were worrying and worrying. Where could I be? The whole day had passed, and now it was far into the night.
Finally I came home to my sister’s place. They had all been worrying the whole day, except one person: Lily. She was not worried, but she did not tell our family members anything. And she was the one who loved me the most! So what happened?
When I came back, they asked me all kinds of questions. But Lily said, “Sri Aurobindo came to console me, and then he showed me what you were doing — how you jumped out of the train, how you fell down and then how you were washing yourself by the mango tree.” Sri Aurobindo showed her everything, so she was not worried. The others kept wondering: where did I go, where did I go?
That was my first experience at Ramana Maharshi’s place. When I went there, I was looking at Ramana Maharshi’s statue. It was most beautiful. Then, on my left side, I saw the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. They were shedding tears, tears, tears, so I had to come back. At that time I wanted to accept sannyasa, but it did not work out!
To Come Out Of The Circle
The second time I went to Ramana Maharshi’s place, I was working for Nolini. I told him that the Mother had given me permission to go. What a story! The following day, the Mother said, “Yes, I gave you permission!” Then, very affectionately she gave me a slap. I was at that time twenty-eight years old. She made a big circle, and she said, “You will not be able to go outside this circle, beyond this boundary.” It was like the circle that Lakshmana made for Sita. Such affection she had for me!
It took me three or three and one-half years to come out of the circle. The Mother stood against my decision to go to America in every possible way. On my last day, she did not want to see me.
Only One Power
There is only one power, one divine power. That divine power works through Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda, Sarada Devi, Sri Aurobindo and all the spiritual Masters. Sri Aurobindo has written that there is one power that works in and through every human being, whether that person is an Avatar or an ordinary human being. There is one power that works inside the whole universe, not two powers. Here when it is needed, it will work here. When it is needed there, it will work there. One power operates. That power can open up one’s third eye at any moment and that same power can keep it closed forever.
The day a great Indian writer was coming to meet with us at P.S. 86, I could have died. I was walking on 150th Street at my 200-metre mark. All of a sudden a car started turning. The car was coming towards me in an absolutely crazy way. I did not know what to do! Such panic I experienced! I felt that that would be my end. I was on the side of the street, and suddenly I saw my body standing on the steps of a house! I do not know how my body appeared on the steps of a house, at least fifteen metres away. I did nothing; I did not use occult power.
There are more incidents that I cannot even remember at this moment. If God wants to save someone, He can easily save that individual. In my case, so many accidents — seven or eight accidents — all could have resulted in death, but nothing happened.
You know my most significant story: I am alive because of Mother Kali. The doctor would have pronounced me dead after my 400-metre race. My soul went away. Then Mother Kali grabbed my soul and put it back into my body. For three days I could not move. I was only looking at Mother Kali. While lying down I saw only her in the whole room. I looked here, Mother Kali was here; I looked there, Mother Kali was there. Everywhere I saw Mother Kali. This is how she protected me. Otherwise, I would have gone to God! That was in 1945 or 1946. At that time I was fourteen years old, and now I am going on and going on — I am seventy-five years old.
These are life-threatening experiences in my life.
A Treasure For My Sponsors
[To Palash, about a photo album] Very carefully please cover it and bring it to my sponsors, Sammy and Eric. This is something that they will never get anywhere else! I am sure they will be eternally grateful. I went to four or five important places in the Mother's life, including where she was born, and stood there prayerfully. Photographs were taken at each place. This will be a treasure for them, something invaluable. One set of photographs I have sent to Pranab, and one is for them. There are different houses where she stayed. I have signed the album and inscribed it for Matagiri.* I feel that nobody has done this before. I have never seen it.
[Sri Chinmoy reads his inscription] “To the Matagiri, with my heart’s infinite love and my life’s infinite gratitude.”
* Matagiri is a spiritual retreat near Woodstock, New York, dedicated to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.
Published in Only One Power